Fashion crimes around the world

So over the past few weeks I’ve spent some time in a few international airports and world class cities.  I’ve had a lot of time on my hands and what better way to keep occupied than to watch people?  Especially as my current knitting project don’t require much in the way of brain power.

Now, before I go on, I have to admit that I am not on the cutting (or bleeding) edge of fashion and never have been.  I’m a jeans and tshirt kind of girl and lately I’ve discovered that 2% spandex in my jeans is a good thing.  I am not at all qualified to be a fashion critic but I am critical and, well, in Cleverly Disguised land everyone is entitled to my opinion.  So here we go…..

  1. In Heathrow I saw a woman wearing a tshirt that said Stop and Think.  She obviously did not take her own advice as she paired said top with MC Hammer pants.  Yes they are back in style.  Women of North America, just say NO.
  2. Iceland is the place where ugly shoes come to die.  I thought it was Ecuador but I was mistaken.
  3. Ladies of Greece, please look into pants.  When your skirts are so short I can see your ass hanging out as you climb the stairs (or even walk at a slight elevation) in front of me, you really need to lower your hemlines.  Or wear pants.  Really.  Wives and girlfriends everywhere will thank you for not flashing their husbands and boyfriends.
  4. Ladies of Europe, the only suitable colour underwear to wear under white is nude.  Or white in a worst case scenario.  Pink, black, blue, red and ESPECIALLY leopard is not classy.
  5. Men of Europe, please wear deodorant.  That is all.
  6. Men of Greece, pointy toe shoes will give you corns and arthritis.  The toes that have turned up make you look like an elf.  This is probably not the look you were going for.  Also, your pants do not have to be so tight that I can tell your religion.  Really.  It’s not sexy.  Let’s leave a little to the imagination shall we?
  7. Knickers (not underwear to any British readers) and pants in general should not have elasticized cuffs around the knee, ankle or anywhere in between.  Really.  Sadly women of North America we’re going to be in trouble in 6 months to a year when that “fashion” hits our shores.
  8.  Ladies of Europe, while I understand dresses are comfortable in warm climates and also make for very easy decisions when dressing in the morning, you may want to consider not wearing sundresses, minis and low cut frocks on the plane.  There just aren’t enough blankets to go around and no one needs to see your underwear.  Especially the female flight attendants.  Trust me, they are not amused at the best of times and flashing them only makes it worse for the rest of us.
  9. Gladiator sandals.  No.
  10. Those sandals that look like they have ace bandages around the ankles.  Giant shoe fail.  I don’t care how comfortable they are , orthopedic is not sexy.
  11. Are sequins relly necessary for air travel?  I think not.  Unless you are flying to Dubai via private jet to hang with the Sheik.  When you are flying coach on Iceland Air you may want to rethink your travel wardrobe.
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