It was both better and worse than I thought it would be.

I have only been married once and have no plans to do it ever again should the need arise.  But, in my opinion, there are a few things that thoughtful and considerate brides should do.

  1. Alert your guests to the fact that there will be a strong liklilhood that some or all of the wedding day will be spent outside.

Brides who elect to have, oh, say their ceremony and cocktails outside, REALLY need to let their guests know this by WRITING IT ON THE FREAKING INVITATION so that said guests can dress appropriately.  Like by wearing clothing with sleeves.  And changing into high heels AFTER the outside parts are done.

Also, if you are going to write your own vows, please speak them CLEARLY into the microphone.  Despite the fact that I am a youthful 37  my ears are not good enough to hear you over the incoming delivery trucks, low flying airplanes and wind blowing in the opposite directi0n. Also the murmer of the other 125 people who couldn’t hear you either pretty much drowned out anything else you said from that point on.  While providing bubbles to be blown as you walk down the aisle once you are married are a really neat idea it is NOT a neat idea to ask the congregation to blown them INTO the wind and thus have the soap get into our eyes, mouths, hair and all over our clothing.

Just saying.

As for the rest of the day it was ok.  The FIL fell asleep on the way up to the wedding.  And fell asleep (or passed out…it’s your call really) on the way home from the wedding.  He was also seated at another table so my time spent with him while we were both conscious was minimal.  There really and truly is a God.

SIL was subject to the attentions of two very nice Greek men.  I spent much of the evening in fascinated contemplation of Greek courting methods that take sublety to new heights.  Afterall, Greek mamas and papas can’t have any idea that people might be interested in each other until the ring is on the woman’s had and 95% of the wedding preparations have been carved in stone.    SIL also sat at another table so my hearing the word “fabulous” was also minimal.

The wedding itself was at a very lovely private golf and country club that if I had an extra several tens of thousands of dollars kicking around I would not hesitate to join.  Despite the fact that I do not golf.  Or play tennis.  I spent much of the ceremony (aside from shivering and trying to stay warm) admiring the landscaping and figuring out how best to recreate those planting patterns in my own backyard.

Cocktails began immediately after the ceremony which was perfect as I need the alcohol to a) warm me up and b) keep me from killing the irritating friend of the FIL’s who kept asking me why I have yet to spawn a child and b) did I think it was fair to keep my inlaws waiting.  I’m sure it’s hard to kill someone with a spear of celery but I was pretty sure that I could do it if I wasn’t physically restrained by DH.  I compromised by shooting him looks that could kill for the rest of the night.

On the subject of cocktails though, despite being a lovely private golf and country club, they had no idea how to make a decent caeasar.  The addition of vodka would be my first suggestion on how to fix things.  Also rimming the glass with caesar rim mix is a classy touch.

We had prime rib cooked rare, which is the best way to eat it in my opinion.  In fact only running the prime rib through the warm kitchen on a hot plate could have topped the preparation of dinner.  This did not go well with the Greeks though, who must eat all meat at the very least well done but preferably cooked to charcoal and then left to cool on the plate for several hours.  I watched several plates get sent back until the beef was returned suitably leather-like.  I also found  it highly entertaining that none of the people (age range 30ish to 45ish) other than DH and I knew what Yorkshire Pudding was.  One woman at our table insisted that it actually had pudding in it.  Despite the fact pudding and prime rib don’t mix she seemed disappointed to find it empty.

God was also smiling upon me (must be due to my good behaviour during DH’s Birthweek festivities) because  the couple elected to go with a DJ rather than a band.  Greek music was kept to a minium and DH also must have remembered my complaints about it since every time that weirdo clarinet music started up he asked me to go for a walk outside with him.  Must be love.

The one cultural tradition that they didn’t to that I really like was the Pig Dance (a suckling pig is carried out on a platter while the “helpers” dance around and money is thrown on the pig until they decide it’s paid for) but the couple also nixed the whole kumbaro (kind of like godparents) thing too so I guess you can’t have a pig dance without a kumbaro to pay for it.

Other miscellanous things I found it interesting were that the bride wore her veil over her face during the ceremony as I haven’t seen that since I was a little girl and didn’t think women still did that.  I also found it interesting that my self-described fashionista SIL has a pair of grey nylons in her possession that she wore with a hot pink dress and silver shoes.  Other than the 65+ crowd, SIL was the only woman wearing nylons in the room.  I also found it interesting that the couple bucked the tradition of hideously ugly and useless bombonierre and gave everyone a heart shaped truffle from one of the “gourmet” chocolate store chains.  That also elicited grumbles from the Greek ladies of a certain age but I am once more thankful I do not have to dispose of etched glass coasters, an espresso coffee cup, crystal anything or a God-awful candle/vase/hurricane shade/sculpture shaped like a cupid/angel/kneeling child.  It could have been much much worse.  And we got to take the centrepiece which was a (super) heavy square vase stuffed to the brim with peonies and roses….very Martha Stewart and very much appreciated.

Overall the wedding was ok.  Minimal FIL and maximum entertainment watching the SIL.  Maximum annoyance from irritating old Greek men (yes men) and women asking about babies and the lack thereof and minimum exposure to outdated Greek wedding traditions.  For once the non-Greek part of the couple won out (yay groom!) although I also suspect that this was what the bride wanted too as it’s very difficult to stop a determined Greek mama unless a united front is presented.  Although the bride’s parents are super nice so I don’t think they really cared one way or another.  If only all of DH’s family weddings could be like this I’d go willingly and quite possibly even cut back on my alcoholic intake.


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