Meanwhile, back at the ranch….

Earlier today I was reading a blog where the author was talking about having nothing to say.  And I have to say that that has been me lately.  Nothing blog-worthy has been going on in my life.  I’ve been busy…cleaning my house (which quite frankly has reached biohazard status levels…you should see the size of my dust elephants bunnies), planning for DH’s 40th birthday parties next weekend, frantically trying to finish his sweater, trying to get some exercise in, working on my garden and spending an inordinate amount of time watching my seedlings grow.  Yes, I have just admitted to the world at large that I am obsessed with my plants.  Laugh at me now if you want but I’ll have the last laugh in August and September when my 42 tomato plants bear fruit.  Or maybe you’ll still be laughing since two humans cannot possibly eat that many tomatoes.  Unless one of those humans is DH.  That man can eat!

Ahem.  Like I said, I’ve been busy but boring.  However, all that is about to change.

I’ve written before that DH has a big, loud, much-of-the-time obnoxious, mostly dysfunctional family.  Anyway, in order to accomodate the dysfunctionality, we’re having three days of parties for him so that as many relatives as possible can a) wish him happy 40th birthday in person yet not have to interact with other family members they hate and b) see the Money Pit so we don’t have to spend the rest of the summer inviting them all over for drinks/dinner can kill two birds with one stone.  I tell you Army Generals have nothing on my planning and logistics skills.

So about the drama.  Well, DH has two cousins who are sisters.  Let’s call them Gwynneth and Winona.  Gwynneth and Winona have spent the last 20 years of their lives trying to outdo each other while not speaking to each other over some matter which no one really knows (or cares at this point) much about.  Which must have made life difficult as they still lived at home while all of this began.  So both Gwennie and Noni have grown up, moved away from home, gotten married and had kids.  But they still aren’t talking to each other.  And their mother, at least to my mind, continues this feud by telling each daughter what her sister is up to.  She won’t let it die.  Which is sick.  I think she likes the attention she gets when people tell her how terrible they feel for her.  Which is even sicker.  Munchausen’s By Proxy I’d guess but I’m no doctor. 

So these sisters, who haven’t spoken in decades, are set to descend on our house next weekend.  We knew one would come, as that’s the usual MO.  One decides to go and tells their mother who imparts that information on to the other sister who conveys her regrets.  Needless to say, I was blown away earlier this week when I got the second RSVP from the other sister saying she and her family would also be coming.

Now my house is big but it is by no means big enough to contain this kind of drama.  And I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I really do hope something happens as I’m really looking forward to telling one (or both) of them to get their heads out of their asses and grow up (oh please please PLEASE powers that be let me have the opportunity to say that!!!).  Plus Iwant to kick someone out of my house.  You can’t say it’s a successful party until someone has been forcibly ejected.

But I’m sure, with Murphy’s Law being what it is, one sister will suddenly back out of attending.  Or as DH says, they will time their attendance so that one is leaving while the other is arriving.  Which will suck.  From a drama point of view anyway.  And let’s face it, if one backs out, it won’t be the one I want to back out.  I’m not that lucky.

In the interim though, I’m going to practice my get-your-head-out-of-your-ass-and-stop-ruining-DH’s-party speech in my best adult voice every night.  You never know, the fates could be kind and usher DH’s 40th birthday in with a bang.  I wonder what kind of sacrifice I’d have to do to make sure that happens?  Is it worth a yarn diet for the next month?  Six months?  Forget it….no drama is worth going without yarn for more than six months.


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