It is possible that I’m overreacting. Maybe.

I know, me, overreact?  So unlike me and hard to believe.

DH spends a lot of time away from me now due to his job.  It sucks but it could be worse as his other options were other provinces, other countries or, well, unemployment.  So we suck it up.  I can’t support me on my salary let alone me, him, the cat, the house, two cars…..

He also works a lot.  Long, long days and once a month he’s gone the whole week instead of just the regular four days away.  In fact, twice this month he’s worked a five day week and twice next month he’ll work a five day week.  He’s normally supposed to work 40 hours over four days and once a month 40 hours over five days.  Needless to say, this is hard for both of us as we haven’t been married all that long.  Even if we had been married forever, it’s nice to see your significant other for more than two and half days or so a week.

Which brings me to my point.  Yesterday DH came home an announced he was going to watch the Grey Cup (CFL final for those of you not from Canada) on Sunday with a cousin of his at a bar.  I have nothing against the cousin, in fact he’s a nice guy and I like him.  What burns my ass is this. 

  1.  DH had been home less than five minutes when he announced this. 
  2.  It wasn’t open for discussion.
  3. As a general rule I see him briefly Friday morning, Friday evening (even if he comes home Thursday night he gets home late and generally goes to bed soon after he arrives…also I work all day on Friday so the day is pretty much shot) through Sunday night now (Monday morning doesn’t count since he leaves at an ungodly 5am).
  4. He is away all day NEXT Saturday at something he can’t miss.
  5. He has to work all week next week and then do it again for the third week of December.

I think you can understand why I said I wasn’t happy about his plans.  He came home late on Thursday.  I won’t see him until 5pm tonight (can you believe he had the nerve to ask me last night if I wanted another couple to come to dinner with us tonight?) and then I suspect he’ll go to sleep pretty early as he usually does on Friday nights now, he’s at his parents for a good chunk of time tomorrow (I have a pass (woooo!) as I have other plans…which I would have cancelled if he wasn’t going to his parents), we’re going to visit some of his cousins tomorrow night before we carry on to a party at my friend’s house and so the only time I can really spend any quality time with him is Sunday. 

Which is when he’s decided he’s going to do all the yard work while I do my regular Sunday chores of cleaning up, ironing and doing laundry.  Not to mention I have to work on Itchy & Scratchy as I’m under a deadline here people! 

And then he’s going to go and watch the game at a bar.  The game starts at 6pm which means he’ll leave at 5pm and he’ll be lucky to get home by 9pm.  If he doesn’t run into a bunch of other cousins who will encourage him to stay and have a few drinks and chit chat.  Which means he’ll be home around 10pm, have to deal with all the garbage and recycling (blue job at Casa Not Clean), pack for the week ahead and then bitch to me that there’s no food for him to eat. 

EXACTLY.

I’m not going out of my way to cook food for me if he’s not home.  And I’m certainly not going to make a big dinner and then have him waltz off to watch football all night.  Oh we can eat early he said.  Right.  Maybe when I’m 65 I’ll feel like eating at 4:30.  Until then…well I have two words.  One starts with F and the other with O.

Ever mindful of my tendency to overreact in a (possibly) negative way to him wanting to spend time with his family I suggested that maybe he watch the first half of the game and come home at half time.  We can salvage dinner together and the remainder of the evening. 

No he told me, he wants to see the whole game.  Not negotiable.

I’m thinking about calling a locksmith.  If he wants to hang out with his friends/family over his wife I’m sure they’d be happy to let him sleep on their sofa.  At least until Dec 18 when he takes possession of the cottage.

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One Response to It is possible that I’m overreacting. Maybe.

  1. Susan says:

    I’d give him a pass for the bar, especially since you don’t have to go to his family’s house. Understandable that you’d be irritated at his “announcement,” but I think everybody needs “me” time. Maybe tell him that letting you know ahead of time is the fair thing to do (5 minutes is NOT ahead of time). It doesn’t sound like he gets a lot of fun downtime during the work week, so I can see how hanging with his cousin would be important. But YOU are important too. How about negotiating for some special time for just the two of you at the next opportunity? Get out a calendar and mark the DO NOT TOUCH dates–the days that are reserved just for the two of you AS A COUPLE–and the ME days–the days each of you reserves for personal time. Do this at the beginning of every month.

    Once in a while you can hire somebody to do yard work, and you can send the laundry to the cleaners. Since together time is important, I’d say it’s money well spent. Hang in there!

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