Ok I am almost 38 years old. Which is far too old for this kind of foolishness. However, sometimes there is no better way to deal with things than having a hissy fit. It’s been that kind of weekend here at Casa NotSoClean.
Yesterday DH and I went to my sister’s house for my niece’s 2nd birthday. Which really involves all the kids playing in the rec room and the adults standing around drinking, eating and chatting. No big deal. I’ve known most of these people for 25 or so years and while we’re not great friends, we usually can chat for a few hours and the evening, while not the best evening EVER, is not so bad.
Oh and I also should mention that my sister and I aren’t super super close, she was the “cute” girl growing up and in my own humble opinion many of her friends are kind of dingy. Most of them are really nice but they aren’t people I would choose to hang out with regularly.
I don’t know what was up yesterday though. Maybe the stars were misaligned. Maybe I was hormonal. Maybe there was some residual weirdness from DH’s poutfest from yesterday. But I came home in tears. And proceeded to cry and sulk for a good two hours afterwards.
To his credit DH was supportive and took my side, but he was kind of confused as to why I was so upset. And in the clear light of day I am a bit confused too. I guess I’m upset because I felt a bit like an afterthought. When my sister and I are together she’s one person. When she’s with her friends, specifically one friend we’ll call oh, Christina, she’s totally different. And this Christina chick, she’s the biggest C U Next Tuesday I’ve come across. And I’ve worked with lawyers so that has to tell you something (no offense to any lawyers reading but women lawyers can be the nastiest of the nasty let me tell you).
Christina insulted my salad dressing…after she found out it was made by me. Prior to all of that it was “delicious and amazing”. She’s a judge-y mom type who watches everything everyone eats and drinks…and then tells the group loudly at how HER 2010 resolution is to avoid whatever it is everyone just ate. And the bitch is skinny too so you know she’s sticking to it. Although I suspect she’s hungry which is why she’s so mean.
She then, with my sister, in proceeded to plan their holidays even though she had minutes before told my sister they couldn’t afford to go away this year (she no longer works outside of the house and money is tight). And while this is not a big deal the part that stung me was that my sister has never once thought to ask if me and the DH would like to go away with her and her family. We’d definitely go.
Reading back over this post I sound like a big whiner. And I am whining. And it’s hard to put into words that don’t make me sound like I am 12 years old why I was so upset. I guess, what hurts the most and becomes the most evident at these little parties is how close my sister and I aren’t. These people all vacation together, party together, visit back and forth and play bigger roles in my sister’s (and her family’s) life than DH and I do. And it’s not for lack of trying on my part. I have repeatedly asked my sister to visit, asked if it was ok if I dropped by on when I’m not working or during the weekend. I’ve mentioned to her that we’d love to go to wherever it is that she and her family are going. I’ve even told her repeatedly that DH and I would LOVE to take the girls to zoos and amusement parks and all kinds of kid-friendly places. But it’s to no avail. She fobs me off with excuse after excuse and I end up feeling marginalized. Kind of like the high school nerd looking longingly at the cool kids lunch table. I want to sit there but I have no idea how to even get them to acknowledge my presence let alone invite me to the table.
I know it’s pathetic. I’m many many years out of high school. And I see these people so rarely. But I guess I can’t shake that feeling of wanting to belong, wanting to be included. At least in my sister’s life. DH says that maybe she feels the same way about me. I don’t know. I’ve extended invitation after invitation only to be shot down every time. I’m happy to meet her halfway but at this stage of the game I’m not even sure we’re on the same road.
2010 has been a bit of a drama filled sulkfest so far. I hope we’re getting it all out of the way early because I’m too old to face a year of this.